I must not fall in Love yet
by Izzu
Summary: Saejima Kouga had vowed to not let himself fall in love with any woman. Yet by twist of fate, he realized that he had already started to fall in love to one other person. Set prior to episode 12.


az: It has been a while since I wrote anything. And this new series had been bugging me to write. My first ever Toku fanfic. Earlier crossposted in my own journal and LJ comm, tokudorafan.

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I must not fall in Love yet

By honou-no-izumi alias Izzu alias Izumi Ishtar

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_Where there is light, shadows lurk and fear reigns... yet by the blade of Knights, mankind was given hope..."_

xxx

He barely registered her words into his mind, having just slain Haniputi seconds earlier. Yet, her words were not what he have been pondering about in his mind as his body unconsciously moved by themselves towards her. His heart skipped a bit as his hand lifted her chin a little, so that her face stared back towards his.

"You... somehow looked prettier today."

xxx

That time, why did he said those words to her?

Kaoru had started bugging him to know what he meant by telling her _that_ that time. Even now, during this rare moments of leisure Kouga wondered on why he did it. That time, the first time when they have met; Kaoru did not seemed to be _that_ appealing to him. When he had slain Anglay and its blood splashed over her, he had intended to do as was written by the Makai Knight's rule; **Those who are stained by the blood of a Horror must be cut down**. He _had_ considered to take her life that time. He read what would happen to those people who were not cut down after being tainted by a Horror's blood; they would die horribly in about a hundred days after they were stained by the cursed blood.

Yet, when Kaoru had fainted in front of him he did not make a move to slay her. He instead had released his armor and sheathed his sword, and decided to spare her life. Part of him wondered on why he had acted so impulsively and scolded himself for breaking the rule, yet the other part insisting that all life deserved protecting. Even those that were stained. Especially with such a short life forced onto them, those stained with the cursed blood should not be ripped off of living the last of their lives to the fullest. So he had reasoned.

When Zaruba had asked, he had said that she would be a bait for the Horrors. Even then, he did not actually considered that as his true intention.

Yet... since then, even without his intervention; Kaoru seemed to have such luck of bumping into the path of Horrors. One after the other. During those times he haven't even thought of her as a bait, but someone that he needed to protect from harm. Somehow he had planted it into his heart to keep her surviving as the countdown to the hundredth day conntinued. The Watchdogs had warned about being too attached to her, but he ignored it. He was just protecting a girl's life and letting her live her life as long as she can, wasn't it? Was it wrong for him to do that? He was not going to fall in love with her. He had not intended to.

So why did he felt disturbed when Rei openly flirted and harassed Kaoru? Why did he... feel alarmed whenever Zaruba told him that a Horror had approached her?

Whenever such thoughts came into his head, Kouga would always remind himself to stay indifferent. He should not get too close to her. He should not fall in love with her... at least yet. Until he could finally purify the cursed blood from her. Until then... perhaps he could allow himself to love her.

Until then, he would stay away. Remained aloof, yet will always be by her side whenever her life was in danger. He was contradicting himself but he cared not about that. It's better this way. For her... and himself as well.

xxx

"_Jan_—!"

A piece of colourful card was showed into his vision as Kaoru's voice chirped beside him. He gradually understood her intention as he picked the card and read the content. He frowned.

"You can't be serious as to ask me to go with you, are you?", Kouga asked.

To his horror, that was exactly her thoughts as Kaoru nodded her head excitedly.

"_**As expected, she did have something wicked in mind...**"_ , Zaruba commented as she dismissed the Madou ring's words.

"_Ne_, can't you go?"

He stared blankly at the adoring face in disbelief as he gave the card back to her and ignored her. He took a long sip of water from his bottle as he stalled for time. What the hell was this girl thinking? Asking him to accompany her to some game show. Like he had nothing better to do. He had a more important job to do rather than to cater to her. God knows how many humans will be eaten by Horrors while he went idling in some stupid game show...

"Hey, haven't you any other interests besides hunting Horrors?"

"None", he said as Kouga walked off to start practicing again.

He sensed her approach as Kaoru angrily stood a few steps away.

"Then forget it! I'll ask Rei instead! He's nicer than you... he probably will accept this..."

"Shut up!"

Why on earth she started mentioning that overgrown brat! Is he not man enough for her? Why must she go searching for someone else?

"You're in the way! Go over that side!", he snapped as he swung his sword around. The silence that followed was something that he did not expect from her. Usually she would go on pestering him after his refusal...

Kouga turned around and was struck at how miserable Kaoru had looked. She really wanted so badly for him to go along with her. Somehow he wondered if he had spoken too harsh at her. But before he could say anything, Kaoru silently walk away leaving him alone. Kouga resumed his training but stopped again as he stared towards the direction where Kaoru had gone. He contemplated to go to her but decided to abandon his training and go to see the Watchdogs again. He had already lost the mood to train anyway.

xxx

The Watchdogs were more annoying today than usual. Kouga spared little time there as he took the order and ran off to find Kaoru. He cursed his luck as he bumped into Rei along the way. Instinctively he had drawn his sword against the young man. Rei spoke of something that he did not understand but before he could think about it, Zaruba reminded him of his present assignment and he left.

xxx

The Horror, Dantalion appeared to have been waiting for him. Kouga felt unease as he saw Kaoru was not in sight.

"Want to test your luck?"

Kouga frowned. "Where is the girl?"

"If you want to save her, you must take part in my game...", said the Horror.

Kouga narrowed his eyes. A game? Laughable. What were they thinking, asking that from a Makai Knight? But the Horror had anticipated his move and saying that once he uses his sword it would all be over. A slight alarm sounded at the back of his mind as Kouga thought of Kaoru's safety.

"What'll you do? Will you join the game?", said Dantalion again as Kouga reluctantly sheathed his sword...

xxx

He could not believe that he have gone to all these troubles for just saving one single woman. But then, Kaoru was not just any other woman...

Kouga stared at the bottle containing Kaoru's soul and Zaruba.

"The method that you've told me before... are you sure that is correct?"

"**_I do not provide incorrect knowledge._**" Came the haughty reply.

Kouga looked back towards Kaoru's body as he made up his mind to restore her soul. He hastily opened the bottle and drank it all, after which he stepped closer to Kaoru and pulled her close to him. Taking a long breath, he recited the ancient spell beside her ears loud and clear. Kaoru seemed so fragile as he held her close. He had to be careful to not do any mistake or all would be lost now. Kouga stared towards her face as he prepared himself to restore the soul.

Perhaps it would be alright for him. Perhaps it would be alright for him to admit the truth now.

Kouga leaned over her as their lips touched.

He had kept his eyes closed but he did feel that the spell was working. He could feel that Kaoru's soul was being returned into her body. Relief washed over himself as he realized that he had succeeded in restoring Kaoru's soul to her body.

xxx

He pulled away as he slowly watched Kaoru regaining consciousness.

"Are you okay?", he asked, earnestly.

Kaoru had looked around in a daze, wondering how the hell she had arrived to the place. And maybe perhaps her body still remembered the fact that he had kissed her in order to restore her soul, Kaoru suddenly stared back at him in alarm as she touched her lips with her fingers.

"You didn't do anything weird earlier, didn't you?", said Kaoru in alarm.

Silly girl. He had just saved her from another Horror and she's worrying about something so trivial?

Kouga turned away. "Who would want to do that to you...?", he said, eyeing the girl to see if she was really alright.

"My head hurts! I feel like my soul had been whisked away..."

How true. If only she knew how close to the truth her statement was! Kouga choked out a bout of laughter as Kaoru noticed it.

"Did you laughed just now? You laughed, didn't you?"

Kouga wiped his face with his sleeves as he stared back at her.

"No, I didn't. Let's go home."

Kouga quickly walked away towards the direction of home as Kaoru called out for him to wait for her to catch up to him. He looked at her as she grabbed his shoulders for support. He finally noticed that Kaoru was still a little pale.

"**_Kouga! Her soul's only just returned—_**", Zaruba reminded him as Kouga helped her to sit down on the stairway to let her rest. He shrugged as he let his eyes wander towards the nightly surroundings.

"Sorry...", came the soft apology as Kouga felt weight on his right shoulder. He turned to his side as he watched Kaoru letting herself to slowly fall into slumber. He turned away.

It was inevitable, wasn't it? He told himself that he would never let himself fall in love with any woman. He would not. Yet here, he realized that even without meaning to... he had allowed himself to fall in love. Somehow, during the time that he did not noticed; he had already opened his heart and allowing Mitsuki Kaoru to enter and colour his life. Kouga wondered if such a grace was allowed for one such as himself to have. Would Kaoru accept him to be a part of his life? Would Kaoru forgive him for keeping secrets from her? When the truth was finally out, would she treat him the same as she had now? Such a frustrating situation.

Was it too much for him to hope that there would be a chance for him to be with her, forever? Kouga glanced at her again before looking around. It was already late. Without any more to think about Kouga gently lifted the sleeping girl and headed home...

xxx

Kouga stared at his hand, noticing that it had looked awkward without Zaruba on his middle finger. He shrugged to himself. He had the ring for so long already that it seemed to be a part of him. How silly of him to only thought about that now. Brushing the thought aside, Kouga glanced towards the sleeping Kaoru on the bed. Strange was it for him to fall for such an ordinary girl?

Kouga let out a bitter smile.

Makai Knights led a very dangerous life. Anyone that is close to them would always be in danger of being attacked by Horror. For the Knight hunts them and the enemy would find ways to fight back. Death was something that could happen to them. To prevent that and to not be facing any more loss of his beloved people, he told himself to not let anyone get close to him. It had seemed like the best solution at the time.

_I've told myself to not be falling in love yet._

Kouga sat on the bedside as he watched Kaoru's sleeping figure. Even now he noticed that his heart had been beating faster than normal. Since when had it been like that, he did not even know himself. Had it been that obvious to the other people? Gonza especially, seemed to have known it long. Judging on how the old man had been acting. The old man would have certainly know it, he had been like a substitute father to him after all. And if there was anyone that knew him more than himself, that would be Gonza.

Kouga leaned over Kaoru as he let his fingers brushed over the side of her face. He sighed.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry. I guess I had fallen in love for you for quite some time...", whispered Kouga as he kissed her again on the lips. He got up again as he turned to leave the room.

_I'm sorry. _

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az: I don't usually am able to write such a romance genre. And I do not know if this is any good either. XD. But there you go.


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